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i will go down with this ship

I have been doing nothing much othere then crying behide a fake mask. I still am kind of stresssed out over this essay. I just can't think everything has losed its rose colored tent. I meand i can write essays normaly not that good of ones ... i guess i'm just kind of hiding behind the essay because i'm afread of what will happen when i get the appication turned in and get accepted.. The fear of going away from my family far away, not really geting to conmunicate with them as much, might not haveing the internet or a phone.(no phone, no internet and what i think of mine and billy's relationship we do have, will be gone.).. not have a place to come back to, if i find out that i can't handle being on my own. See my mom said that she want me to Back my Whole room in to boxes, becuase she does not want my things in here b/c it will no longer be my room if i leave ;.; I wored really hard to get my room like i wanted it . thinking i could stay here as long as i need.. I hate not knowing what i should do or what i will be doing in the future. I guess Antioch is a good place to start as any. It is sooo much better then siting here acheaving nothing for any of my goals. At least there is will ge work expressece and to go all over the world, i will get to learn in japanese, and it is closer to my any of my goals then staying here... I can aways transfer.. ^.^' i'm really tired .. i'm going to go and bath then my be sleep..


Painting toes

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November 2014